When Your Vibe Doesn’t Match Your Words, It Scares the Crap Out of Us Autistic Folks

by jaimeaheidel · Published April 20, 2020 · Updated July 13, 2020

Young man sitting on a rock in a river with his hands over his eyes with text that reads, "When your vibe doesn't match your words, it scares the crap out of us autistic folks".

Although us autistic folks have difficulty reading facial expressions and body language, many of us DO have quite a radar for a person’s vibe.

This is just my thinking, but I believe that ND people develop this sense because of our difficulties reading typical social cues.

Just like a blind person might develop more acute hearing or a deaf person may develop sharper sight.

Our brains are compensating.

Also, many of us have complex trauma, which has rewired our brains to detect even the slightest hint of danger, which may account for this, as well.

Somehow, those ‘gut feelings’ (that everyone has) are turned up in many of us to the point where we will react to negative vibes or energy in a room where absolutely nothing seems out of the ordinary for the NT people present.

This may be why your child suddenly has to leave a room or tugs at you to avoid a person coming towards you in public.

This behavior may be viewed as rude on the outside, but there is something your ND child is picking up on that, 9 times out of 10, will turn out to be right.

I can tell you from experience that one thing that scares the ever-loving crap out of me is when someone’s demeanor, tone of voice, and facial expressions (I can read most facial expressions now from memorization) completely and utterly contradict the vibe I’m getting from them.

For example, there was someone in my life (no longer) who absolutely despised me, but they would smile and be friendly and hug me and all of that, and every single time I was in a room with them, I wanted to jump out of my skin for fear because their vibe said, loud and clear, “I hate you with a blinding passion, and I am just waiting gleefully for you to do or say something that PROVES that you’re a complete and utter fraud!”

It was maniacal, it was terrifying, and it was all done with a great big grin.

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The best way to improve communication with your autistic loved one is to understand how your autistic loved one’s mind works! Intentions, motivations, and personal expressions (facial expressions or lack thereof, body language, etc.), are often quite different in autistic people than they are in neurotypical people.

Experience a better understanding of your autistic loved one by reading books about life from an autistic perspective as well as stories that feature autistic characters. You’ll have so many “Ah ha!” moments and start seeing your autistic loved one in a different light (and you’ll have a better understanding of their behaviors, which you may have been misinterpreting up until now).

Books I recommend for a better understanding of your autistic loved one:

Nothing will make me run away faster than that type of behavior. It’s like being in the room with a shark that’s disguising itself as a guppy, but nobody else can see it but me!

I know it makes me look extremely paranoid, but I just KNOW when I’m in the presence of true malice, even if nobody else around me can feel it.

I don’t mean “garden variety” jerkishness, either. I mean vibes bordering on evil.

So, again, if you or the ND person in your life has this sudden and irrevocable feeling to get away from a person or situation, don’t be quick to discount it.

Many of us often see the best in others and can be way too trusting, but we’re also pretty good at picking up danger signals when a shark is circling because we are reading our environment with a different set of skills.

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