Why Your Autistic Employee May Avoid “Chit-Chat”
If you’re unfamiliar with neurodivergence, it can be easy to fall into the trap of assuming your autistic employees are standoffish, rude, or even snobby when they either don’t participate in, or quickly see their way out of, small-talk conversations.
This common social misunderstanding between autistic and neurotypical (non-autistic) people can also cause harm to the autistic employee that you, as a manager or supervisor, may miss–but still unintentionally participate in.
Allow me to explain:
Negative Social Capital
A study published in 2017 revealed that non-autistic people viewed autistic people in a less-than-favorable light within seconds of meeting them. They made what is known as thin-slice judgments based on very little interaction and decided, almost immediately, that they would be less likely to want to pursue a social relationship with them.
Because of these thin-slice judgments (which most non-autistic people aren’t even consciously aware they’re making), the autistic person is viewed (and subsequently treated) as having a lower social capital. In the eyes of the neurotypical person, their autistic counterpart has already been categorized as being closer to the bottom rung on the social hierarchy ladder.
That’s one strike against them before they’ve even had a chance to settle in.
Differences Viewed as Malice
When a person starts with negative social capital, the neurotypical people around them will already have their guard up. They’ll be wary of that person from the beginning because there’s something different, something “off” that they just can’t place or understand. This wariness prompts them to check in with other non-autistic co-workers; do they see it too? Not to be a bully, not at first, but to check to be sure they’re not the only ones feeling this way.
It’s usually when their peers emphatically nod, whisper, and exchange details of their atypical social encounters that an alliance forms among them and excludes the autistic person.
Over a short time, the differences in communication that may have been taken in stride or brushed off by one or two people become a reason for everyone within that allied group to compare notes regularly, analyzing each of these awkward (but ultimately harmless) encounters and building them up to the conclusion that the autistic person must have malicious intent.
Meanwhile, at this stage, the autistic employee may have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes and will remain unaware of the inaccurate perception their co-workers have of them.
Starting Far Behind the Line
When neurotypical employees fashion an informal group that continues to operate under the assumption that the autistic person is the problem, that employee quickly becomes ‘othered’. Therefore, when they do attempt to strike up a conversation, it’s not just a bit awkward, the energy directed at them feels vaguely threatening, similar to being cornered by school bullies.
The autistic employee may continue their attempts to engage for a while, but when it starts to feel too hostile, they give up, drop it altogether, and just focus on their work. Unfortunately, this only reinforces the inaccurate belief that they’re anti-social. It acts like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Other Reasons Chit-Chat May Cause Discomfort
Even in an environment that’s understanding, respectful of differences, and provides accessibility, small talk can still be uncomfortable for your autistic employees.
For one, being asked questions that aren’t meant to be answered truthfully (such as “How are you?”) can be confusing to the literal-thinking autistic person.
Do they want to know how I am? Should I tell them about my financial woes? My child’s inner ear infection? My cat’s recent bout of ringworm? Or, should I just answer ‘fine’, and leave it at that? But, that’s dishonest…
It can also be difficult for your autistic employees to connect to the meaning behind small talk. For example, they may struggle to find relevance in a conversation about the weather, last night’s dinner, or the latest episode of a popular TV show and be baffled by their co-workers’ insistence on repeating and sticking to these surface-level subjects of conversation.
Yet another reason your autistic employees may avoid small talk is that once hyperfocus kicks in and that working groove is there, interrupting it to talk about anything not directly related to the project can disrupt the inertia your autistic employee needs to turn out the work they were hired to create.
The Takeaway
Avoid assuming that because your autistic employee avoids chit-chat they are anti-social because that’s usually not the case. Their brains have different needs and different ways of processing the world around them, and that should be respected and accommodated, not met with suspicion, especially not by a group of employees who haven’t taken the time to get to know them.
If you’re unsure where you stand with your autistic employee, be direct and ask. Even if it feels abrupt, a five-minute uncomfortable conversation that gets everyone back on the same page makes for a safer work environment than jumping to (and acting on) conclusions that don’t even remotely fit who the real person is inside.
Source:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28145411
Want to learn more about how your autistic employee thinks, communicates, and works? Click on the link below to book a private consultation with me today!
